Jan 7

I slept in til 4am this morning and finished up yesterday's blog. I have a slight headache so I think I'll pound down some water, that usually takes care of it. I had an awesome time of worship this morning, just finished! I mostly did my own songs this morning. One of my favorites is about Sara Faulkner (spelling?), who was going to 1st Presbyterian Church of Palmdale when we first got there. I needed to put someone on the prayer chain and asked who I should call and I got a resounding answer," Sara Faulkner" Ok, I called this Sara and the lady answered. When I told her I had a prayer request she asked me to hold on while she got something to write with. I should tell you that I'm not one for holding long conversations on the phone, its not something I like to do. Sara came back on the phone and I don't know how she did it, but in the process of taking the prayer request, she learned about who Ernie Brady was. I didn't think I said all that much, and I stayed on the phone an hour with her!! She said she'd like to meet my family the next Sunday at church and imagine my surprise when she walked up and we learned that Sara was blind. She hadn't mentioned it once on the phone, she was more interested in me than talking about herself, and I would find out from more conversations with her later that that was who Sara was, all about others. I was also shocked when I was in my first bible study with her, she knew her bible and could recite scripture too! I was pretty shook up when she passed away, and wrote a song for her. After I wrote the words, I couldn't get thru singing it without crying for about the first 20 times. Sara was blind for the last 33 years of her life, but when she got to heaven, you bet she could see, and in the song all she wanted to look at was Jesus. God bless you Sara. The nurse is here and trying again to get blood from my catheter. Its only worked twice in the last 5 days, they had to stick me all the other times (I get blood drawn twice a day). I had stretched too far to put my guitar away and Baxter started beeping (that's what he's best at), thats why the nurse came in. My counts are down today so I have to have transfusions, 1 platelet bag and 2 blood bags. So, we know Heaven is a free gift, that it's not earned or deserved, and that every person is a sinner. Now we need to know that sin must be punished. "For the wages of sin is death." (Romans 6:23) and that God doesn't grade on a curve, He expects obedience at all times! "Be ye therefore perfect, as your Father in heaven is perfect." (Matt 5:48) We can't save ourselves from our sins, even if we try to do good things. If you were making an omelette, and you had 5 good eggs in the bowl but put one rotten egg in there as well, we couldn't serve it to company and expect it to be acceptable. Even less can we serve up our lives to God, which have many fine things in them that men would call good and yet are filled with thoughts and deeds that are "rotten" and expect them to be acceptable to God. "Whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it." (James 2:10) This means what? That its impossible to save ourselves, or to earn our way into heaven. This comes into sharper focus when we look at what the bible says about God. Tomorrow! I guess none of you have heard yet that pink is the new black! Its gonna be in style so all you guys better go out and get pink jammies to be in style!!! (this I'd like to see!!! LOL!) I finally finished my transfusion about 9pm and went to sleep.

Jan 6

I took another ativan to help me sleep last night and it worked its magic. I slept very soundly and feel great today! I put the finishing touches on yesterday's blog like I normally do and then did my worship. It was a good time of worship but I have found that I don't have the air to finish lines like I used to. I'm not a good singer, I'd say a backup singer at best, but I used to be able to finish lines and hold notes longer. I also get a little light headed at times when I'm singing. This is due to my anemic state (red blood cells low), but its disapointing. However, God tells us to make a joyful noise to Him, and the joyful and the noise are both there so I think I'm covered! LOL!!! GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME. ALL THE TIME, GOD IS GOOD. Sorry if that's repetitive, but I really like that saying and it has been very true. Dr. Shin (the weekend cover) came to see me today. He was nice and thorough like Dr. Lee. Deb is on her way and she and Dana fixed me one of my favorites for lunch, pepper chicken. I thought you were supposed to lose weight on chemo! Jon & Cindy & Becca & Jonny are going to our house to watch Dana's kids so Dana can come down too. My counts lowered a little but they were still high enough so I don't need a transfusion today. One of the nurses must have heared Debby cough because she thought it best if Debby went home until she was well, so Deb went home and Dana went with her. Carol (my sister) and I watched part of the Seattle / Dallas game. Boy, my sister is a trooper, she watched football with me!!! I started getting the sniffles so they are loading me up with orange juice. They don't think it will be a problem because I'm on so many antibiotics, but they are going to keep an eye on it. About the two questions I asked yesterday, most people answer the first one with, "Yes, no, or I didn't know anyone could know?" Their answer to the second is," Well, I've been a pretty good person, haven't done too many bad things." Anyone answer like that? If you did, I've got some great news for you, listen to this; the bible says that heaven is a gift, a free gift! "The free gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 6:23) The best gift anyone could get but here's something else, Heaven is not earned or deserved. "It is by grace you are saved, through faith and not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, not of works lest any man should boast." (Ephesians 2:8,9) When you decided to ask your wife to marry you, you demonstrated your love by buying her an expensive engagement ring to show her your love. How would you have felt if she said," Yes, I'll marry you but first let me pay you for the ring. If she paid you for the ring would it still be a gift? No. Its the same thing with God's gift of heaven, God is giving you this gift and we think we need to pay for it by being good or doing good deeds. You can't buy heaven from God, its a free gift! More later. I'm going to try to stay up later tonight so I won't be walking the halls at 4am. I asked the nurse whether ativan was addictive, and she said that it wasn't but that they were going to give me whatever I needed for my comfort while I'm in here. My afternoon blood counts were up again, so hopefully this is the beginning of my blood working again and I'll get to come home soon. Its funny, at work I had so many numbers and dates running thru my head, and here only a few but let me tell you they are just as important as the buses getting maintenance on schedule. Sorry about you having to do scheduling alone, Red, I know its quite a load!!! Thanks!!! God bless you all and keep praying!!!
IN HIS HANDS,
Ernie

Jan 5

I took an ativan and slept very soundly last night. I had a good time of worship again this morning. They told me from the beginning that today would by my worst day, but I still feel remarkably well (so far). I went out to the waiting room around 5a.m. looking for the sunrise only to discover later in the day the sun doesn't come up this time of year til around 7 (ok so I'm not a weather person LOL!). My blood counts were good today, no transfusion. Debby got to come today, she's feeling much better, but we still can't touch eachother because she might infect me. I feel so much better when she comes, we've been thru a lot together! I had my bone marrow biopsy today, but won't know the results until sometime next week. We are actually wanting there to be no leukemia left in my blood right now, so that would be a specific prayer request if you don't mind. If there are no signs of it now, then we move on to the consolidation chemo. If there are signs of it, we go back and do the infusion chemo again and start all over. Don't really want to start all over but, THY WILL BE DONE!!! There are some in here who have much worse symtoms from the chemo than me and they might not have anyone praying for them, so could you all include them in your prayers? God is powerful enough to handle it, thanks! This biopsy was a little more painful than the first, but still nothing to the extent I always heard it would be. Debby and I walked to the waiting room after it was over not knowing they didn't want me out of bed for a couple of hours after the procedure. oops! My nurse came looking for me and made me get back into bed (bad boy). I thought I had given up my life of crime!!! LOL!!!! I actually walked around immediatily and even went to work after the first one! I've got to clear something up right away! For those of you who read the comments people write, and especially those who read the comments from my former niece and daughter who said I wear pink pajamas? FAGETABOUTIT!!!! Guys at the shop, no really, my pajamas are blue. No really! Blue! Awe come on guys, blue! LOL! The girls and I had a good laugh about it on the phone so why not laugh on the blog too! LOL! (blue!) I'm remembering that song," If I Could Only Imagine" where the guy was thinking about what it would be like in heaven and just as a thought provoker, may I ask you all a couple of questions? The first one is this. If you were to die today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? Interesting, huh? The second question is this, "If you were to die today and stand before almighty God and He were to say to you," Why should I let you into my heaven", what would your answer to Him be? Think about it, more tomorrow! I want to thank all of you who have emailed me. I actually look forward to your emails, they not only give me strength but make me feel that I'm still in touch with the world. The room I'm in has 3 walls and one whole side that's a window with blinds. Even if you open the blinds to see out, there is a catwalk, and on the outside of the catwalk are some slats that make it just about impossible to see out. It could get lonely and depressing in here, but you're emails and comments on the blog ensure that it doesn't. Thank you again so much and keep those emails coming, even if you don't know me!
IN HIS HANDS,
Ernie
(BLUE!)

Jan 4

Didn't get much sleep last night, darn Benadryl! I did my worship earlier than usual (about 3am). I'm listening to the song, 'I Can Only Imagine' and it has a deeper meaning to me now. For those of you who haven't heard it, its about a guy who wonders what will it be like when he actually gets to heaven and faces God. He gets detailed but the line I like the most is, "'Will I sing halleluiah, or will I be able to speak at all". Kindof makes you wonder what we are going to do, huh? It was quiet in my room today cause Deb stayed home sick and Dana stayed home so Deb could rest. I called home in the morning and they weren't there so I called Deb's cel and when she answered I ask where she was. All she said was, "Thanks for breakfast!" I can feel my wallet getting smaller and I don't even have it. Maybe phantom pains, no? I'd much rather have them both here but sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do! The doctor came in today and they still don't know exactly what strain my leukemia is but they know the category of survival. There are 3 categories, favorable, intermediate, and unfavorable group. Mine is in the intermediate group, so I guess I'm just an average kindof guy! LOL! Hey, its better than unfavorable, and there are a lot of people walking around who were in the unfavorable!!! My pills just came (4 this time) and I got the 'swish and spit'. I wonder if they would let me try to spit it into the sink from the bed, about 4 feet away. I can doooo iiitttt! Mary called from the airport in Philly and her flight was good but she still had to fly to Providence, Rhode Island. They are still having trouble with my catheter, the lab was just here and had to stick me again so my nurse called someone to come and check it. They have used two different needles on me to draw blood. One is the regular one that is just a needle on the end of a syringe. The other is much smaller and on a plastic 'T' looking thing and there is about a 6" tube coming out of that. They stick it in, draw the blood and when they are done they push something, you hear a click, and then they pull the 'T' up away from your skin like there was no needle on the end, and I looked at it after, there wasn't. Well what happens is when it clicks, the needle slides out of your skin and into the 'T'. The first time they did it to me, I checked my arm for the needle cause I really thought it was still in me!!! Efficient but weird! LOL! Dan & Muriel came today and it was a good visit. Dan is helping me with LAUSD paperwork too, it all has to be done properly. Thank you all for praying for and thinking about me, I really feel it!!!

Jan 3

Deb is feeling better this morning so she is coming down to visit. I don't think I'll be able to hug or kiss her but just having her here helps tremendously! She and Dana must have noticed that I hadn't been eating my meals well, so they have been asking me what I want for the next day's meals and cooking them at home. So far I've had tacos, lasagna, home-made macaroni and cheese, and today they are bringing stuffed bell peppers! Do I have it good or what!!! The food here is really pretty good but I'm getting my favorites from home. Deb and Dana and Dave and their kids all came at the same time today bringing gifts. They brought wraps and chips for the nurses and stuffed bell peppers for me, YEAH! I had to put a mask on but I got to go out to the waiting room and visit with my grandkids, Hailey and Aiden. It was hard to not hold them but it was pretty cool to be able to be with them! Dana and the kids left about 1:20 to take Dave to the airport, he has to go back and make some money. Deb left a little later cause she got her fever back and I just can't take chances. She'll have to stay home now until she is well, and that will be hard for both of us. My platelets were low today (18,000) so I'll have to have platelets tonight, which means they have to give me Benadryl before it, which is what kept me up half the night the other night! Maybe it won't affect me that way this time! I have a tooth that is hurting tonight, but they said I might. I guess they recommend (if you have advanced notice) that you go to the dentist a few months before chemo, but for me it was a surprise. My night nurse happens to be someone I probably played softball against a few years ago. We started talking and found that we had things in common. You know come to think about it, I should hate her cause that team used to beat us a lot!!! LOL! She is going to call one of the guys for me so I'll get to talk to him as well. I don't hate her, in fact I love her and all the other nurses that have taken care of me. God has really blessed me with not only good but very friendly nurses. It must be tremendously hard to work on the chemo floor cause its so hard on most patients, but they make it much easier to take. Thank you nurses and staff at Kaiser Pan City on 6E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My sister Mary is going home today, she's still not over the flu so I'm praying that her flight home will be good. I finally got my platelets at about 2am so I should be fine with platelets until at least Sat. So long for now. GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME. ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD

Jan 2

I am humbled. I have had people from all over the country email me just to say they are praying for me! That people would do such a thing, for someone they don't even know! And guess what! Mrs. Puglia's 5th grade class at Desert Christian School in Lancaster, Calif. is praying for me too! Unbelievable!!! Wait, it is believable isn't it? It's pretty much what Paul explained to us in Romans 12, we all have something to do for Jesus, we just have to do it, and then live a life that Jesus would be proud of! Its almost as if God's plan is working!!! Go figure!
I only got about 4 1/2 hours of sleep last night but still feel great. Do you think it's coincidence or maybe all that prayer? Thank you all soooo much! My counts this morning were better due to the tranfusions I received last night, so I don't have to have another one today. They have been having trouble drawing blood from my catheter so they have been sticking me with needles, but still I'm feeling good. So far I've been blessed with how my body actually feels, but there is still time for it to get worse. Deb went to the doctor today and she isn't feeling well so she didn't come down. It was really hard not to see her, and she still wanted to come, but now isn't the time to take chances. My sister Mary woke up sick this morning so none of them could come either. I should have told you that my brother Dan's family has been sick as well and haven't been able to come. I know it's hard for all of them not to come, but believe me I really appreciate it because I just don't want to get sick now!!! I did, however, get to spend the day with my daughter, Dana, and we had a great visit. I haven't seen the outside world for almost two weeks so I put on a mask and Dana and I went to the waiting area and sat looking out the windows for a while. (You can't see outside from my room) It was beautiful! We could see all the way across the valley to the hills on the west side, the trees swayed in differing shades of green, and even the people looked great! That beats 4 walls anytime! Not that I'm complaining, my walls have pictures of my grandkids and cutouts that they made for me, they are beautiful too! The nurses have been letting me take showers too! (or maybe wanting me to! LOL!) They tape a plastic bag over the catheter that's on my chest and in I go. Boy that feels good. I wouldn't want to have to take a sponge bath very often, but it beats nothing, right? I don't remember if I said that my catheter will most likely come home with me until this is all over (about a year). At least I don't have to take Baxter home!!! LOL!!! Did any of you see that Boise State / Ohlahoma football game Jan 1? Wow, that might have been the most exciting game I've ever seen! My fighting Irish are playing I think tomorrow, but they haven't done well in bowl games lately. I just lost half the women who read this, right? LOL! I think I'm going to get to see two of my grandkids tomorrow, Hailey and Aiden. I can't get near them and I have to wear a mask but at least I'll see them in person. Did those women come back? Yeah! Not being able to hold my grandkids has been the hardest part of this whole ordeal. I remember how they fit in my arms, how the little ones snuggle their faces into my neck! Oh well, only about two more weeks, hopefully. I want to take time to shout out to all the people at the LAUSD transportation branch at all the garages and FMO. Thank you all for your prayers and emails, I love them and I'll answer every one (the emails, not the prayers! LOL!) I know FMO sounds like one of the medicines that I've been taking but its our Fleet Maintenance Office and they have a bunch of good people working there. I have had the privilege of working at every garage except Gardena, but I have worked with a lot of their people at other places. I miss you all and hope to see you again soon. No really, I'll see you soon!
IN HIS HANDS,
Ernie

Jan 1

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I had a party in my room last night, well sort of. They gave me one tablet of Benadryl and I slept better than I have since I've been here. I'm going to ask for one again tonight cause I felt a little better today. I've been getting headaches the last two days about mid-day. I got a fever again today but haven't asked for tylenol yet, maybe it will just pass. My red cells were at 8.1 so they are giving me two bags of transfusion as soon as they can get it, what's another bag or two, huh? LOL! Mary got here early again and our visit was good, we watched football, yeah! I have been working nights for 4 years and my sports watching has been cut way down. On Sundays I go to church and then we usually do something together so I haven't seen much football either. Deb and Dana came a little later and brought tacos and lasagna. (I chose a taco) My granddaughter Hailey is still sick and when I talked to her on the phone she said, "I'm sick too, Papa!" I told her we were praying for her, that I loved her and would see her after a while. Before they gave me the transfusions they gave me Benadryl again. This time it had the opposite effect, it's 11:30pm and I'm still wide awake. I did finish the transfusion about 20 minutes ago. For something different I put on a mask (I need to put one on every time I go out of my room) and went into the waiting area, pulling Baxter all the while. Just for something to do I walked from one end of the waiting area to the other over and over for a little excercise. I hope it helps me sleep. I still feel pretty good. I get those fevers about 3pm every day but they seem to be getting milder. One of the nurses told me today that I would definitely be really sick before I go home, but other nurses and the doctor too told me I might not get any more symptoms than the ones I have. One thing I know is that I don't know a whole lot! LOL! It's true, its all a waiting game, the doctor doesn't even know how my body will respond so she can't give my any time line. I want to go home so bad but I know I need to be here. The walls of my room are very familiar now, too familiar, think they'd let me paint in here? Do a mural? I could paint a picture of my time in "the room" and then the next person would know what happened here, like in the cave man days. (no disrespect to cave men!!!) I had the lasagna for dinner (they warmed it in the microwave) and I'm not sure but I think my appetite is coming back a little, that would be good!!! Its really hard to force yourself to eat, especially when its hospital food. I know, in an earlier blog I said the food here was good. After eating the food here for a little over a week, I can say that it all starts looking and smelling alike, but I'm not complaining Lord, I thought the manna thing was a great idea!!! LOL! Well, enough rambling for now.
I would like to wish everyone a very happy new year and may this year's resolution be to understand the bible's clear promise that we can know for sure that we're going to heaven someday. It was pretty exciting for me when I found this out and I love talking about it because now I don't have to guess anymore! If anyone wants to know more, please email me. May God richly bless you all.
IN HIS HANDS,
Ernie