Jan 8

Wow, another good night's sleep, I woke up only about 4 times, and that's really good for me. Today might be the day that we find out about the results from my bone marrow test. Remember, we don't want to find any leukemia, which would mean I'm in remission. If, however, they still find some, I have to repeat induction chemo (another 7 days). I would be disappointed, but sometimes you just gotta do what ya gotta do!" I think about having to go thru chemo again and again and I must be honest, its disheartening. Soooooooooooooo, I just try to focus my eyes and thoughts on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith. I think about what He went thru for me and get a lot of courage. If any of you don't know what Jesus went thru for you, you should rent," The Passion Of The Christ". This shows how much pain, torture and agony He went thru willingly, just for us. Deb has an appointment down here in the valley today and is coming by for a visit. I sure wish she would get well quick!!! I miss her something awful. I'm thinking right now about our first kiss. It was on her back porch ?*&$#@ years ago, and I can honestly say for me it was electrifying. I actually felt something! She's a great kisser! All you guys out there you better just take my word for it, I can get very jealous! LOL! (no, really!) The bond you get when you've been together 36 years (32 married, 4 before) is so good, we finish eachother's sentences and we think of the same things at the same time a lot. She's a keeper!!! My catheter has worked for drawing blood 3 times in a row now! That means they don't have to stick me with a needle twice a day. Thats a bonus, huh? Deb cut my hair shorter the other day, it doesn't get dirty as quickly, and I've always liked the way it feels. When my hair starts falling out in clumps, I'll have her shave it. I wonder if she'll shave hers like a solidarity thing!! LOL! No, I don't think so!!! LOL! I like her with hair! Guess what, I finally went out to the waiting room at the right time to see the sunrise! What a beautiful sight! I haven't seen one in I don't know how many years. I wonder if going thru this will change me, ya think? Maybe I'll take the time to actually do a lot of the things that I often say that I want to do. No, Deb, I'm still not jumping out of an airplane!!! Maybe just a lot of little things. My breakfast of french toast, scrambled eggs, and cheerios tasted really good today, maybe the transfusions made me feel that much better. My nurse came in and checked me out, she said my heart sounded very good. My white count didn't go up, its still at .9, but the others went way up due to the transfusions. Dana is feeling bad because Hailey just threw up and now Deb won't be able to come for another couple of days. She is looking for airline tickets to go home tomorrow cause Deb keeps getting sick from the kids. It will be sad that she is leaving but I think its better that way. I can't have all the illness around me and I might be coming home later this week. We now know that heaven is a free gift, its not earned or deserved, and that man is a sinner and can't save himself. God loves us. "God is love." (1John 4:8) "He loves us with an everlasting love." (Jeremiah 31:3) However, the same bible that tells us God loves us, also tells us that God is just, therefore He must punish sin. God," does not leave the guilty unpunished." (Exodus 34:7) This sounds like a predicament, God is loving and merciful and doesn't want to punish us, but He is also holy and just, and therefore must punish sin. Do you want to know how He solved this predicament? Tomorrow. The nurse told me my doctor was coming up to talk to me, and that I had been on her mind. The social worker, Larry, came in right after the nurse left and we talked. He has really helped us with all kinds of things, he's a really good guy that has to work in mostly sad conditions. I thought I was getting signals that there was bad news coming and got worked up and scared. By the time the doctor got there I was really anxious, but she said she didn't know anything and that she had sent my test to Kaiser Sunset like they do with all of them. She also told me that if my leukemia was under 5, it was an ok sign but if it was higher they would have to do the induction chemo again. As we were talking she got a page and stepped out of the room. She came back in moments later and said that although my leukemia wasn't entirely gone, it was at 2, which was good news to me compared to what I thought was coming. What this means is that at day 30 (day 1 was the first day of chemo, Dec 23) they will take another bone marrow test. If I still have some leukemia, they will do induction chemo again. If there is no leukemia, which is possible, they will do consolidation chemo, which from what I hear is a little easier. I have found a lot of hair on my pillow, in my bed and on my face. When it begins to fall out a little more, I'm going to have Deb shave it, maybe tomorrow. They tried tonight but couldn't draw blood from my catheter so they had to stick me again. I'm watching the Florida / Ohio State football game but am getting sleepy, I don't think I'll make the whole game. Good night all!
IN HIS HANDS,
Ernie